The holiday season of Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years is the principle time families come together to share their love for each other, and that no matter the differences during the year, they are still family. But there are hundreds, even thousands of young and old people who miss out on this pleasure through no fault of their own. The following is a very touching story by one such teen who would really enjoy having what many of us take for granted. A loving family not just for the holidays but, for life.
I came into the foster care system at the age of 15 when my mother died. There have been challenges that have happened as a result of trying to cope with my mother’s death.
Although I was placed with a family in the beginning, I never felt like I was at home. I have transitioned in care four times. That means that I have lived with four different families and in several group homes. I find the need for family very important.
Most people don’t believe that family is important for older youth. They believe that as teenagers we can cope and make it on our own. The reality is that we want to be loved like everyone else, we need the support and encouragement from families and we need a place to call home. Just because we are older and independent to some degree doesn’t mean that we don’t need help.
It is always nice to have a home cooked meal, have someone to support you when you reach a milestone in life, or even when you make a mistake. It’s nice to know that you have someone to call or turn to when faced with a difficult or challenging situation.
The holiday season is the perfect example of why family is important. It is nice to have someone to open presents with and share a family dinner with. I imagine the opportunity to set goals and bring in the New Year in with a family.
This holiday season I experience the loss of not having a family or anyone to share with, so I decided to work. This helped me to stay busy and not think about what it would mean to be alone for another holiday season.
A “forever family” is important—someone who understands the importance of commitment. I lived with a family that I felt I connected with and I was certain that this would be my forever home. However, after two years I was asked to leave. I believe that family gave up on me. I trusted they would be there for me and when they decided that I couldn’t be a part of their family anymore I struggled with being able to trust people or even trust that there would be a forever family for me.
I understand that families have disagreements, you may not always get along, but it is important to remain committed. I have felt a great deal of pain as a result of not being connected to a family. Every time that you live in a home and the family decides they aren’t going to parent you it leaves you with a feeling of loss and you continue to ask the question—why me?
The ideal family is one that will not judge me. They understand that I am working through the challenges of my past. I will need support in working out those issues. I will need help in trusting that I actually have a family that cares. The ideal family will remain committed even when things are most difficult. They will help me heal the hurt and not contribute to the pain of my past through empty promises and a lack of continued support.
Right now I live in an independent living setting. I have graduated from high school, I work hard, and I am a member of the Department of Human Services Youth Speakers Bureau. I want people to understand that I don’t believe it will ever be too late for me to find a forever family.
Everybody needs to belong!
(To learn how to foster or adopt Naadiya or teens like her in Allegheny County, call The Director’s Action Line at 1-800-862-6783 or visit our foster care page at https://bit.ly/1kcNtHq.)
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